credit: Andy on Flickr

When working with people, one of the important things to do is to build emotional equity. You have to keep in mind that with every interaction is an apoortunity to put money in the other person’s emotional bank account.

You have to make regular continuous deposits, and withdrawals very rarely. In fact, one withdrawal especially with someone you have yet to build rapport with can put you at a deficit with that person very deeply. It could even result in taking years and multiple interactions to replenish it.

I have to admit: It took me some time to understand that people are emotional creatures. It’s a conscious effort to work and take their emotions and feelings into account first - but it gives me the best chance to ensure I was making deposits - and avoiding withdrawals.

There are some ways and techniques for making deposits into people’s emotional  bank accounts - and how to replenish them when you run into disagreements, conflict and flat-out confrontation.

• Making Friends - Look for connection points in everyday interactions. Take action to recognize that connection and build on it.

• Develop EQ - Sometimes I like to think that being technically-inclined makes me valuable. But it’s not true. If you’re going to weak at something, it is better off to be strong at the people skills and weaker on the technical side. People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.

• Remember Names - We like it when someone remembers our name after a first meeting - it makes us feel valued and respected. It is really a small thing but it has a great impact on creating new relationships.

• Being Present - I did an exercise where we had to demonstrate our “presence” to the other party simply by looking at their eyes for a full 3 minutes. It wasn’t easy at first, some giggles at first but practice makes perfect. It felt like an authentic interaction and because of that exercise, looking someone in the eye becomes something that comes very naturally when you’re listening and engaged in the conversation. Building relationships will become more productive and it gets easier to win people’s trust.

• Practice Good Listening - The fundamental purpose of listening is to gather information about the person, to understand where they are coming from, what they value and their perception on a situation. Understand that it is a common human desire to be want to be heard. Good listeners give people that opportunity. And by listening you can learn to know more about people, becoming more effective in working with them.

• Connecting With People Through Questions - We all want to be heard - it is a common human desire. We do want to share information about ourselves, not all of it but we do like for people to open the door and let us show them who we are. Asking questions opens that door. As long as the questions are not prying, too personal, aggressive or judgmental - most people will open about themselves.

• Edify - When others aren’t around but is a topic of discussion, build them up in their absence. Any time you speak about someone, always speak positively about them. Never tear someone down, gossip about or demean someone who is not around to defend him/herself. It’s bad manners and poor form to run others down. When people hear you edify others who are not absent, they trust you will do the same when they are not around.

I’m sure there are so many other ways to keep making deposits at the emotional bank account. And I hope to share more in my journey as a student of people.